Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
