I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
