You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
