If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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