ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
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I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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