hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
