He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
