I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
how drunk are you?
Several
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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