I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
