i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
