I'm lost and stupid without you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
