In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
