Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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