Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
