well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
