This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
