shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
