I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
