we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
