ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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