just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
