This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
