so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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