the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
