Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
