I love black thongs
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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