i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
