I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Pants are for mortals
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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