Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
