My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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