if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
