I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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