its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
