i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
