i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
