I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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