i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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