I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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