she woke up with a sticky ear
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
