I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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