I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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