it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
