That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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