Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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