is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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