Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
