I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
