I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
