they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
