hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
