I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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