Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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