i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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