Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
