My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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