HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
