I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
