Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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