Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
