can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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