You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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