So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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