So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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