Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
