I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We need to rekindle our bromance
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Randomize
